By Simran Randhawa
MSM’s new monthly columnist Simran reflects on the lessons that came from making 2021 a year of therapy.
It’s not new news that the first weeks of the year are always accompanied by the same narratives; those of resolutions, planning and goal setting - and even though we are only one month(ish) into the New Year, thinking about 2021 can already feel like reflecting on a lifetime ago.
For me, 2021 was the year that I dedicated myself to therapy for the first time. I showed up to sessions at the same time, same day and same place, week in and week out. What I quickly came to learn was that it took the same mental dedication to show up to therapy that it took to go to the gym (there was probably a reason my therapist sometimes referred to our sessions as “the gym of life”). So, in a culture that is so focused on metrics, how do I measure the internal growth I have experienced over the past year? How do we measure growth that can’t be quantified into analytics or validated online?
For me this meant looking backwards. Therapy often asks you to examine your own behaviours and actions in order to live a more accountable and empowered life, but it was by looking backwards that I was able to also identify the numerous factors that have shaped me to be the way I am. And what I came to identify over the last year was how truly formative my teenage years have been.
Reflecting on my teenage years, I can really appreciate what a weird time it was. It's no secret that our teenage lives are one of immense shifts - mental, physical, spiritual and emotional. But that’s not a singular experience; teenage years are turbulent by nature. Typing it out makes the issues that dominate our juvenile years seem arbitrary - clothes, music, freedom, identity - and whilst to an extent they are, an intersection of external factors are what made my teenage years unique.
Being Punjabi, a girl, working class, from London and more. The differing expectations that existed between Punjabi/London and the conflict they birthed. That intersection (along with many others) are what make me look back at my teenage years and tend to feel pangs of sadness for the person I was - a girl trying to understand herself (and fit in), but not having the resources to. It’s not all sad and heavy, but through reflection I have realised that it is probably my inner teenager that needs the most healing at this moment in time.
Overall, therapy has allowed me to operate from a place of acceptance and self-compassion, which has been transformative for the ways in which I interact with the world. For me, healing happens when I am able to examine and self validate. So, going forward that is what I aim to do with this column - examine one area or lesson from my teenage years at a time and unpack it, hoping to form a better understanding of it. From growing up ‘emo’ in an ethnic household to mental health and body image, I hope that this column will help you to extend grace to your younger self.
If it’s not too late to still wish you, Happy New Year. May we reframe the ways in which we approach ourselves this year.
